Fast Eddie

"Growing up follows a bell curve; it's best when you're over the hump!"

"Good guys are human shields. Bad guys use them."

"It isn't what happens to you that matters. It's what you do with it.
Be thankful."

"The human race is often amusing but sometimes dangerous. That's why I display a smile but conceal a handgun."

"When the hotel room is old and it smells, is that 'atmosphere'?"

"'Gun Control' means not using hand lotion."

"Dear airlines: 'Duration' is not how much time is left in the flight. Get a dictionary and look up 'remainder.'"

"The older I get, the more tolerant I become of strangeness, except when it objects to mine."

"Ignorance is like the digit 0. You can fill your head with 'em, but you still know nothing."

"So goes your grits, so goes your day."