Fast Eddie

"When the hotel room is old and it smells, is that 'atmosphere'?"

"'Gun Control' means not using hand lotion."

"Dear airlines: 'Duration' is not how much time is left in the flight. Get a dictionary and look up 'remainder.'"

"The older I get, the more tolerant I become of strangeness, except when it objects to mine."

"Ignorance is like the digit 0. You can fill your head with 'em, but you still know nothing."

"So goes your grits, so goes your day."

"When the towel you're about to use _after_ the shower smells like you did _before_ the shower, it's time for a new towel."